Hi i had some mccormick brand vodka. i mixed it with amy french's amy hyink's honey. Or parker hyink also develops this honey. or they used to, they still bees, i saw the beehives. i think i asked them about it, ya. excuse me, carl larrssonn. sorry i forgot the title, breakfast under the big elm or something. anyway, i'm a little disappointed in myself for going to buy the vodka, but i walked thru mabel davis park to go to ben white, a place called a & b liquor. on my way there i was disappointed in their business for selling cheap liquor, i was like why do people do that? they could sell fewer bottles of more expensive liquor, just make less of a profit maybe, but there would be fewer people drinking too much and doing stupid insane things. I'm disappointed, i thought i was going to not drink or watch porn in apartment, but like just a few days after i moved i think, maybe 2 days, i started, i mean its escalated. i was at my mom's i was pet sitting. i watched a lot of porn. it was really strange. i didn't sleep enough. i was up in the middle of the night. i'm kinda cold. it's 67 degrees in this apartment. but, i'm also excited and happy about drinking some vodka because i feel really relaxed and free and uninhibited as is the point and the purpose...

these are my DVDs. shshhshshsevhvhvhvvhbhbhb ere...

Because I,

I was thinking about texting amy about her honey. that's a really loaded word because i've heard things about honey pot means like vagina... because the honey is the uh sexual fluid...

i had some little caesar's pizza in abowl with afork, in the billiard room...

i went to bed at 8 p.m. and woke up at like 3 a.m. .... sorry i can't feel anything. i feel like my like head is like out in outer space. my hair really, my head tickles, anyway,

the honey in the vodka made it a lot better. it's really gross vodka. it was like 8 dollars for 750 milliliters. i think it'll last last me till febuary probably or febRuary.

Oh, i saw happy honda days on YouTube commercial. it reminded me to transcribe Process: Introducing Themselves to Young (Christian) Minders by Philip McShane. 

Because I need to get that done before we leave for France. i think i will get that done in january, because not a lot going on in january i feel like. i bought my white elefant gift which is a $25 visa gift card but i iused a pen to scratch out the 25 so i'll tell them it's a secret until the final person ends up... i thinkthey're gonna assume it's not very much, because i don't have much money. but 25 seems the best number, because uh christmas is the 25th of december. it's so stupid. i wonder how life would be different if we changed christmas day to like april 1st. that would be funny. and we call december 25th april fools day and we play stupid jokes on each other on december 25th and they're christmas related for a while, and people get confused and it's just really weird history a hundred years from now. but april 1st is always christmas day and people give each other gifts like spring related, there's a spring tree christmas, the christmas tree is all flowery for april 1st. 

Anyway, it's still about the birth of Jesus the christ. o ya, then easter is still around the same day. o well, whatever, maybe he died on his birthday.  Maybe, that's a good point by me just now. historically, they say, because there were lambs in the manger or something that it was probably spring when jesus was born or something like that. or they didn't really know anything, and it's only 365 days, it coulda been any day. How bout every day....

Jesus is born all the time, throughout all time and beyond time and space. I was gonna say, was talking about transcribing Process. I been, certain times, certain things make me think about being Christian and I feel like Everybody is christian, because i believe in the divinity of jesus and the benevolence of everyone. Ya i was thinking about kanye and hitler and i actually agree with him saying i love hitler, because what really separates people from each other and from god?

People just make bad choices all the time. Some more than others. Some people just like flip a switch. I mean some people have bad brain chemistry, and they don't really have much of a chance, but if somehow their choices lined up, kind of like chaos theory or butterfly effect, but there's no predetermination.

There are genuine mistakes and genuinely bad people, like hitler, but Love is like God or Jesus, i mean people say god is love and people are all basically the same. We all just want good things for ourselves and each other. That's why people have to think, like when they wanna do and they do do bad things, they feel like the other person isn't really a person, they're not really human, they just have to separate them, because there's good and bad in everyone. there's an equal amount of good and bad in every human. it's just about our situations, what we're exposed to, and also our personal choices and just our struggle, the human condition. like most people do know what's good and bad, and some people take the easy way or something like that.

or are just, some people it's a losing battle i guess. but it doesn't mean that they're, like it's exponential, everyone around them, they're, like it wasn't hitler by himself. it was just, i don't wanna say bad luck, but a lot of bad choices....

i don't like it when people say like, something that john green said like, suffering is a learning experience and pain is good, things like that. i think john green has said, ha, sorry, i love john green so much, even though he says some dismissive things about god that don't really make sense. i think he said something like, sometimes life just sucks and we have to acknowledge and deal with it and try to move forward despite the pain, not because of the pain.  i don't like when people say i wouldn't change anything because it's made me who i am. it's like, things could've been a lot better and a lot less stupid and painful. why wouldn't you want things to be better? do you want other people to go thru the horror and pain you've been thru, just to get to where you are now, what's so good about that? like my life, i've just heard about and imagined horrible things and it's made me appreciate what's good and not horrible, and what feels good and what actually is good, instead of what is just passing the time until we're all just disintegrated and the universe is dead. o well, there's no more pain and suffering, because a lot of time has passed, whatever, that's not the point.

the point is to try to make things better right now, as soon as possible. okay, that's long enough, it's been a long time, and i live here and i give here, and i'm giving plasma tomorrow and i'm gettin paid. i'm gonna live in this Apartment, and i still can't really believe it. it's so weird. it's almost christmas day amd everybuddy is gay, boiii. 

see ya latah, suckah