It' going a little weird. It's hard not - I'm starting to cry, because I'm telling the truth. It's just really hard. I'm watching Tenacious D on Tim Heidecker's podcast. My sinuses started to tingle really hard, and I had to squint, eyes filled with tears. [Jack Black talks.] This is entertainment.

Anyway, we drove back from South Padre Island 3 days ago on Wednesday. It's Saturday afternoon. My mom went to a garage sale and to watch a football game I think. I don't know why she wanted to do that, but - something to connect with people, society, some kind of maybe culture, and just 'get outside of her own self for a little bit.'

I went to work on Wednesday, but I went in the building and decided not to go to my work place. I was drinking some white wine for some reason. I realised we had white wine from Patrick's and Bridgit's wedding Saturday, and I put white wine in my to-go cup, and I drank it on the way work. I realised - I feel like, I don't really know why I drink alcohol, but it seemed like it's hard to go to work, so I might drink wine to make it easier to go to work. I don't feel, my body is more comfortable, and I can just go and talk to people at work and do the job, but I realised on the way to work, even though it seems like drinking alcohol will make my job easier, it actually just makes it a lot harder to actually go to work. I just start thinking, why would I do this when I can just not? I can just turn my car around and go back home or something. I didn't sleep enough I guess. I can just go back to bed. I think this is just an eternal problem. [laughs]

So that's what I did, and then I sent my old manager an email, because I didn't have any other contacts at work. I asked her if I could get my new manager's email, but she just forwarded my email to my new manager. I still haven't contacted them. So the next 2 days I just skipped work and drove around. I bought a bottle of rhum and drank way too much, was really tired driving home. Yeah, I guess I was drunk. So I quit my job and have to tell my mom, because I don't wanna keep pretending to go. Last night I didn't drink, but I thought I was gonna go donate plasma for $40 or whatever. There's a bonus: they give 80 people $2,500. That's over 2 months of rent. I'm pretty scared to tell my mom. I'm supposed to go back to work Tuesday. Well, I think I've already been fired, because I just haven't - I guess I notified them on Wednesday that I wasn't coming in, but then I just skipped 2 days in a row. 

On Thursday I stayed in Bastrop and saw The Woman King at the movie theater. It was like $10. It was basically what you'd expect, just kinda boring, so straightforward. The 2nd-in-command general lady, she was really cool looking. She got shot in the back. She's really pretty. I wanna find out what her name is.

I gotta watch something else on Youtube now. Anyway, so Tuesday I'm going to get a haircut, hairtrim at Leeann's place. My mom's going too, just to talk to Leeann about her hair. 

It's pretty interesting.

Let's turn my face around. I think instead of going to work Tuesday, I'm gonna tell my mom I was offered a job, because I emailed Green Gate Farms and they asked about being a field hand for 5 hours in the morning, 8:30 to 1:30. I just wanna try that. I kinda wish I hadn't quit my job. I was thinking if I could just make $4,000 dollars, working up until I move into my new apartment. Because I need money to pay the rent, but I also think, I don't know, I can just not pay rent. I don't really care if - cause I can just move back into my mom's house whenever I want. I don't have to do anything. I mean, they can send me to hospital or a homeless shelter. I don't really care. I can sleep outside. I can like pretend I'm dying and get covered by ants and crickets and grasshoppers and coyotes and deer: whitetail deer crawling over my body out in the wilderness, in the scrubland, in the brush, in the bush. And they lick my lips, and I just like turn into a liquid and soak into the dry clay earth, sandy grit in between my teeth. The sun just turns into a boy stabbing my brain, and he goes into the land where I turn into a princess, and the bubbles of gum, blue gum huge bubbles, pop out of my esophagus, and I become a cloud of lumpy space princess. And Princess Rainicorn. I just turn into a starstream of nebulae, and I forget to skin the cat and breathe the rice paddy.

Um, goodnight, I'll talk to you soon, love you.

Goodnight, I'll be everything, and I'll be everyone, night night.