- - - - Almost , , , , again . . . .

 I am almost crying a lot.

I told my brothers I would go to see Everything Everywhere All at Once with them and wives, but it makes me nervous, because I don't want to talk to them or answer if they ask me questions or think that they might be judging me harshly and frowning on the inside and wishing I were dead, or something less dramatic maybe.

}

Like I am going to the beach, Port Aransas, but I was just on vacation for 30 days, on Great Britain, but it was a bit tiresome, or I mean tiring. Adventurous, wear down. So we do nothing but the beach and eat for 4 days. and long drives. But - my brothers and wives ask me to to get a job now and do hard work until acceptable retirement and financial independence, I eat and pay bills all of myself. Maybe. When Do I go? Okay,,, that is What.

i worry, but anyway. Nice to forget and drift . . . .  {

So, I just drank some white wine and watered down rum.

I hide it from mom. Yesterday I broke the beginning of my alcoholic abstinence, opening the white wine. Over about 6 hours I drank about 3/4s of the bottle.

I kinda regret it. It would be best not to break promises to myself, or anyone else.

This alcohol impairment feels pretty good. It helps me focus on feeling better than I did, I guess.

I thought of buying more alcohol, because my mmom is sick and I am going to the movie alone, meeting the famili there.

I gotta finish my leftover burger sans bun, like keto, burger salad........ okay Go.

Alcohol makes my life/time easier, then harder, more sick or nauseous or bilious ( Melanie from Ontario said that that means vomiting, but I just Ocean Hero'ed it and did not read that definition.)

Gosh, salt and meat taste so good.

Alcohol make happy and sad.

I just put on Tomoyuki Asakawa - Endless Tide

I listened to Kokubo's new Sound Scapes, Oto No Aru Fuukei [Landscape with Sound]

All Very Nice

theemd

p s

Love greg

I am still drinkingrum, watery rum

I wanted to speace it out

but i kept taking a drink every 3 minutes - - - i look at the computer corner clock.......

they go by like drops of water which drip from that clock thing that is like an hourglass of water, which is very slowly if one is paying very close attention like almost nothing is These Times,

Okay, You know? Do?

The end s

sorry,

i don't know what life is to do, yes you know now....

 https://youtu.be/WELQBJRiH90