Long . . . . and not much . [ : . later

 I relapsed pretty hard. I was way too lenient and made massive exceptions. I broke my promise to myself, stayed awake last night, early morning, watching the internet. My resolve is renewed. I promise harder now to abstain and control myself, to be healthier. ~ a slippery slope and seminal discharge, the seminal research in this scientific field of grasses and 1 medium mediocre tree [not oak] , some midday grey sun. The Seminole . . . [ i go crazy ]  wilds.......................... anyways ,

I bought wine and whiskey after I left the Whole Earth warehouse, breaking my sober october. I feel bad about ghosting them after working 2 hours, but I feel worse about about lying so much to mom, how she will probably feel if she finds out. -- I was pretty/ugly drunk when I got home, told mom about getting an interview for the Giddings library, then passed out on my bed for 3 hours. I wonder if my mom wondered about me... I got anxious about what to say about my paycheck, because I should get it but I didn't work. It became more complicated with taxes.

Somehow i still feel that shirking work is worth it, . . being snaky and weaselly .. i eat myself...

I have almost finished the whiskey, Canadian Hunter, it's one of my favourite looking bottles and names. Yesterday i finished the irish cream and red wine that we got 9 days before. i kinda wanna open the new simple life bottle, mom got it for beef stew. 

yesterday i talked about getting spiced rum for eggnog, i'll make it again, blender-ed ; my mom wants to get finnish Long Drinks.   

{ fished .. and done.. so }

I am eating 2 mini cost-co kolaches. Okay.

I texted Aaron, he had said hope you have a good day, which seemed kind of weird for him.

I just heard Lions - Jenny Hval.

Now playing is Better Git It in Your Soul by Mingus

it is really great, . . excellent

Now what else

maybe a free write, steam of contents on maybe some thing

bye now

forever

love u

grg

ps - in about 2 hours i go get my corona booster in elgin

then drug tested in Giddings

howstrange

Schizophrenia - Sonic Youth

pps - this is really the end :  i really like Rylan by The National