Anxious Why , see description

 4 points .

We try to sleep well enough. 

We try to be kind to all, even ourselves. 

We try to eat well enough. 

We try to help people

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https://youtu.be/WzOyDr8IJiE

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I was feeling very anxious so I have to talk about Why. It seems that there is a general standard that people or at least like the culture, My environment agrees upon. Like these are good decisions and those are bad Decisions. So I believe, I want to believe in God, so I choose to believe in God. 

I do believe in God, so everything and everyone is created for a reason. Maybe not one specific reason, but we are given Choices by God. There's  things we should and shouldn't do based on What is good? And what is not good based on What is God and what is not God? 

I guess but my point is that I tried to think of  What is the best thing to do? What is the best thing to say, all day every day. Or at least I wish I would do that, but not in an anxious way, just a reasonable, intelligent way ... and I want, and so we should.  There are things everyday that will make our lives better. And then , I wanted to get to why I'm so anxious. 

I think about this person named Billy who I had a connection With. I wanted to tell her I love her.  But I barely know her, and Billy is not her real name. I don't know her real name. I want to guess something like Katy. But Billy is real, Because that's the name she chose ;

 That's everything I mean. I don't know, but what I mean is. ... I'm attracted to about 50%.  Females, or Women sorry, about 50% of women, and maybe a few men, like Idris Elba, [eat yourselves] or some people like that, younger people.

And um.. so what? How do I Orient my thoughts in my life?  And what? How? What? How much of .. how vulnerable should I be? How much should I share? I was watching the latest episode of Ear Biscuits and Link talked about this band that sings ' You're so f****** gorgeous ' .. And doing things with people, Other people in your group of peers.  And being fun or happy or fulfilled. 

Or loving other people actively doing making beautiful memories and taking the path of least regret [the class] .

And Jesse and his co-worker Evan will be spraying foam into a house, where my brother Tim and I and our cousin Evan are putting siding on the house. 

I could not be anything like this. I can try to be better at talking like not this. And that's why I don't know, and so I'm nervous about seeing Jesse because I quit the job we were working on and he hates me and he wants to cut my throat open and so I can't look at him. I can't

  Be close to him. I can't hear or see him, and he cannot hear or see me or my skin will melt off. And he's attractive and successful and I'm a bug on a frog under a swamp, 10 million years ago, and I am slimy And retarded, and I need to live in a hospital for the rest of my life And eat unscented Cheerios and melted bananas, and my life is a superstarsupernova implosion, red Dwarf black star and as a sonic boom and a cryogenically frozen baby

 now I'm all I am , and I want to be other people too. Good night, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye bye

[ Edited at 4 am , when a day passes ]

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