- 12--

 Hull-o, I am recording myself speaking a journal entry, because I don't want to type it, and I'm starting to cry. It's 12:25 a.m. I got really high yesterday on gummies and chocolate from five, THC. The company is f, i, v, e, all lowercase. It was kinda fun, just felt like being drunk, then I passed out kind of. I just went to bed to some ASMR, Latte ASMR, comprehensive medical examination.

I was gonna get on the \computer, but it's not loading, going real slow. I just ate another half a gummie, not sure why. Just cause I couldn't wait till like the morning, till the sunrise. I was gonna take a gummie then go give plasma, go to HEB, or and go eat at a restaurant, Mexican, called DK Maria's, next to the plasma place, drink a margarita, kinda test the restaurant to see if I wanna ask my family to go there, if we have a reason to go. It just looked like a place I might wanna go . . . .

I like trying new things. I thought the camera was pointed at my face maybe. I'll turn it around. See if you can see anything. I'm gonna upload this to youtube in about ten or 15 minutes, Anyway, I wanna talk about more. I talked a little bit about the past, little bit of the future. I'm not sure why I started crying or why I feel like crying still. I was just listening to music, Big Thief - Century and Two-Step by Low. It was pretty nice. It reminded me of a song by the books i think. i couldn't remember the word that they sang, but something like Babylon(Babylon) or Avalon(Avalon), but it sounds really pretty. I'm not sure who it is, not Yo La Tengo. It's the Books. They're in my top 5, top 3.

It's kinda chilly. I'm wearing a thin robe. I'm shivering a little bit. Also I'm just excited about getting my thoughts out, getting a journal entry. While it's uploading to youtube I'll listen to this file. Or this doesn't -- I guess this file partly exists. If I stop recording, it'll save this file. I guess the file already -- it just doesn't exist where it will after it saves it to this phone.

It's kinda like perceiving, the human brain perceiving, then writing memory. Like receiving stimuli and creating experience and consciousness, and then forming the type of connections and synapses and dendrites of brain cells, neurons that when refired with electrons I can remember...

But I can partly control those chemicals and subatomic particles in my brain, because I can try to remember something, so I'm pushing the energy thru my brain cell. I'm pushing the electricity down my neural pathway to remember something on purpose. I'm making a choice and not just to remember something, but to figure something out, like there are certain pathways in my brain that remember, that store the energy, I mean store the memory.

So... memories are in my mind. I guess if everything is really Mind, the Mind of God, everything and infinity are [ indivinity ] -- since God is the Creator, just to define God. Is a connection, is a triforce that is the source of all, is allknowing and allpowerful and is Yeah, knows everything and all is possible.

It allways makes sense. Anything I can try to think about is -- sorry I can't really form this thought. What was I trying to say? The intention is, i mean there's the abstract and there's the concrete, which is really just an expression of the abstract, because everything concrete can just be dissolved, you know, the big bang expansion of the universe, if there was a big bang.

I'm glad it's still recording. I would have been upset if i had stopped this recording. Anyway, today is saturday. i told you a little bit of what i'm gonna do. gonna have another half a weed gummie, like. I wanna get a margarita a little after noon, so if it's just an hour at the plasma place, ill leave my apartment about 11 to get there. I wanna feel the weed in my brain, my blood, my body, my consciousnesss, when im at the plasma place so ill take it about 10 o clock. Actually I'll have half of the half about 10, the other half about 11 right before i leave.

And i dont think itll have that much of an effect, because I had almost 3 yesterday, what made me feel drunk and tired. I think i went to bed around 4, so waking up at midnight makes sense. This is already 12 minutes and 20 seconds, 12, 25! I guess i'll just stop this. i'll try to type it out in a minute. it's funny to think about my neighbours, it's really funny. I'm gonna listen to more spotify, because i have to cancel my subscription, or else pay like 10 dollars a month, but i'll just listen to ads instead, if i listen to that service. 

Yeah, I am nervous about going to Liturgy again. i'm nervous about Aaron coming to the apartment again tomorrow for Liturgy. Andee and Kai are coming too, unlike last week. But i can just think about something that um makes everything better. I wanna look in all their eyeballs and i wanna see God.

And i want God to take their bloody hands and  push them thru our arteries and grab our muscle fiber and pull our piano wire thru a bleeding sky, Blue Blood and Black kNights all over the Universe and .... shame on your toes, you can't reach the ceiling's hose.

You put out your eyeballnest

and you grab a bottle of Ves-

pa oil and poured it my soily nose.

He's gotta bake himself out of a row

house in Philadelphia. You know

he's got time to leave. 

He's got... he's up in the tree

top. It's a thousand miles below the clouds

of another planet's justice.

Everyone find out how they came to be.

Now i'm singing a song

and the song is going on too long.

Now i think i'll say goodbye

and everyone else is over 

up at the sun-baked sky

https://youtu.be/VB84jCUfbCM