i just put on Failer by Kathleen Edwards . . Love for ALl . .[ AL[lowercase L] I have been drinking red wine from Australia - now i will type this 14 minute 9 second recording i made yesterday . . ." 6 o clock News . . .voice

Hey . .  i've had a half a bottle of wine. It's a Shiraz Cabernet. Or is it Syrah?  No, it's Shiraz cabernet from australia... Eastern austr... Southeastern Australia.

Um, it's like almost, it's 4:30. Mom went to go tutor at the elementary school down the road, like she does most afternoons, and uhh, we went to HEB around noon today and bought groceries and 2 bottles of wine.

And as soon as she left, drove down the road away from the house, I started drinking wine from the bottle. And I don't know if I'll drink some more with dinner or right before dinner... sorry i'm burping.

I've been listening to Office Hours with Tim Heidecker, episode from January 8, 2020. The  beginning made me laugh really hard, with all of Doug's drops and Tim laughing at things, stuff like that.

Our dog Hank is lying on the couch right now. It's kinda nice. And i cut some spinach leaves from our garden. They're on the counter with some paper towels.

There's a box of Panko bread crumbs, oh yeah, my mom wants to make pork chops and sweet potatoe tonight. It's pretty stupid, unhealthy meal i guess, but it's fine, it's good enough. It'll taste okay. I'll put some salt and butter and shit. Um. I appreciate the pigs that were slaughtered. And had crappy penned up lives. Um. For my mouth and my guts . . . .

Uhm, yeah, I guess all my cells. My mind which encompasses everything I know and believe and Am and Feel and experience... Um, What else is there to do or think? Oh right, I gotta take the water off the hot tub. I'll try to do that responsibly. I'll try to lift up this hot tub cover... oh my gosh, this thing is hard, anyway, Ow, it's nice to be outside. It's a little bit cold and it was rainy or it rained a lot yesterday. Today it's sunny, that's nice i guess.

I'm hurting my fingers trying to squeeze these things. Uh, anyway, we were gonna go to Sofie's birthday party. She turns 5 tomorrow... 5 years old. But, her older brother Asher, he's a half-brother, he has the flu, and we don't know who else is contagious, so everyone is staying away for a little bit. My mom ordered a Tiff's Treats box of cookies and a balloon to send over to her. Which is kinda funny. I'm relieved that we don't have to go, but we might have to go, or my mom might insist that I go with her to Austin tomorrow to see my brother Kit and his girlfriend Lorena, or she's like a life-partner i guess, they've been together for like almost 10 years, something like that... I can't count numbers...

Um, yesterday I watched a short film that's like 20 minutes almost, 19. What was it called? It had Candace Carrizales. And i gotta crush on her. She's extremely good looking and funny, fun, nice person. I hope she hears this, because she seems depressed most of the time, and she played a depressed suicidal person [ laughing ] in this short film... What was it called? It was by Bobbysomething, a cry for help. Oh, it's called Things That Happen. I like how remembering other things about it made me remember more things about it, made me remember the title. Things That Happen: there was a part with like a computer voice. I think she was typing. It's the typing voice, where it was showing these scenes of Los Angeles at night, talking about a homeless person writing in a  notebook that said Film and TV Projects. And he was like covered in flies. That was really... there were some really good parts, it was kinda likea corpse project almost feeling, had these weird, exquisite corpse... That was a really fun movie, Exquisite Corpse Project.

I like how there's so many people working so hard to do like things that are so strange and it's hard to understand why people do things. What they're thinking. If it's even good or not. If it's a good idea or if it's even worth anything to anyone.

Or if it actuallly makes a difference or makes the world better, makes people's lives better... What's the point of existing or making choices. Why do we want to... or what does better mean? We wanna feel... good? Do we wanna achieve like... do difficult things and overcome our obstacles? Do we wanna change the Universe?

Or do we wanna live forever? Or what... you know, life seems eternal, when you're just feeling things and thinking ' what do i do? what's the point . . . of anything? ' And so we like... Time is relative. Space might be relative too.

Everyting is relative. And is there a divine God who decided that we should exist? Was Jesus a real person who actually performed miracles that no one else can replicate... nomatterhowhardtheytry..

Um... Are we actually, most people, like, we, most people have not even begun to understand or even try to understand what's really going on with our minds, our lives...

Do we have a purpose? Do we have a meaning? How much more is there to being a Person than we think about day to day?

In between our sleeping times... yeah sleeping is so cool. I slept for a long time last night, a long time straight, seemed like i slept for 8 hours straight, because I hadn't been sleeping that well the past few nights.

Mom should be home in a few minutes probably. Keep getting online, and facebook to try to feel like i'm doing something or connected to the Real World, People outside interacting with other people and creating things that other people think about and talk about. i dunno

What should this be called? My lips feel kinda dry. Why do i feel so like restless? I was thinking about writing some short stories or even short novels or even long novels. A 4 part series called BackworlD and the D is capitalized, and the titles are: title #1 is Deep Speed, title #2 is Damn Mad, title #3 is Doom Mood, title #4 is Droll Lord.

And you probably guessed that they're palindromes, and yeah. That's why it's called BackworlD... ....

Is backward a word? Forward and backward. I always, I wish there weren't alternate spellings with S's... I think of Toward without an 's' as like 'looking in that direction' and Towards is like 'moving in that direction' ...

Same for all the words that end in -ward. ... is sideward a word?

Uh, i think i'm gonna go outside to pee in minute. I really like listening to Tim Heidecker on Office Hours, or yeah... seems pretty intelligent. I'm gonna listen to a little Human Milk first.

All right, i love you, talk to you soon.

Bye bye

just let me play this... okay... i love you talk to you soon bye