God Has Free Will

 Why did she say forty five minutes?

A minimum of —

   Eighty five hummingbirds

   Meditation of Eternity 

 I want to treat you to the moon phase which meets the dawn.

This is used to be a river bed. Now we sleep where the sun always shines. .

Hey , I would love to talk with you tomorrow afternoon. Or later, whenever and if You're ready

P Cahtah

Presider Woody Willow

I excused myself from , quit , the ranch job.

I took walks and hikes a lot. Seen felt thot a lot

I hope.

I am trying to Learn.

Good people live Good lives.

They don't send cell signals to the ghettos . . .

I began packing and taking things to my mother's. 

I got my bike from the shed and took it to a new repair shop in Fisherman's Park. It's all nice. I love it . . .

I Will be there .

The End

God give us Everything .

We will give ourselves .

 I may have always been bad at sharing and communicating , connecting and participating , getting involved even in my own life, becoming a part of something. Talking to people. 

So

I should confess to everyone about everything

.

I have had very strange relationships. I keep giving up ..

.

I really want to be on south padre island , or on my way , the high way ...

I really hope to win mega millions tonight . My whole life plan is to win at least a million dollars .

I'm going to take classes to learn how to keep a house in order and take care of children.

Then i will apply to be a foster parent .

Then I Will foster and adopt children ,

Then utopia and paradise will be 

and we all will beternally.

Yea , so. I just go crazy sometimes .. and I gave some women a lot of money and did things . .

I should not have told Jen that I love her so much , and we will be married with children and I'll take her all over the world .

       Because I need to figure out what I should do , or I should just be doing most of the things that I know i should be doing. And becoming a better person with good habits and a good life ..

Then I can fill Jen's cups , and we will both be complete and ready for Life with God . . .

I wish I could think better and explain what I need to do to change myself in my life . . .

I'm not sure what I feel or what I will say to mom when i go to her house after my haircut today . 

I gotta kill some time. I'm gonna donate plasma if i can , so I hope I can drive safely when I have not been sleeping enough .

Gear a Poem

Regelated to the old post , green top bloke spiny spider wood , close touch , music intervention .

 

 I take too many anxiety meds.

I took a double dose of a sleeping pill last night, felt weird then a little bad this mornin.

I'm going to take two anti alcoholic pills. Then get a veggie burger with cheese at P Terry's on ben white. .. Peterius ..

I feel bad about everything. Mostly Jen

Walking into the parking lot of these apartments, I thought about dying ending my life, and I cryed . I thought about getting help from anyone , A professional.

I was just listening to Ear biscuits. I'm three fourths of the way through the last episode , five days ago.

My head hurts

.

I took a really nice walk just a minute ago in the park and on Parker

.

I walked a little through Assumption graveyard . It was fun . I thought I wasn't supposed to be there and someone would would Tell me to leave . I imagined jen walking briskly next to me through the whole cemetery . . .

I watched two episodes of two guys talking about lettuce

I love them

.

I don't know what else to say now. Maybe I'll think of some thing else. I'm waiting to hear Jen's reply to my text I sent about 2 hours ago . I'm afraid that she's afraid that things are getting worse and that 

I  Don't want to be with her and it's true . I'd like to just spend Maybe one day a week with her.

Oh yeah , I wanted to say I feel like I am kind of mostly honest with myself .

But just myself

. 

. . .

I only want to be real .

I don't care what I want .

There are mountains and monuments of stone and metals

There are railroads elevators  sports hikes

Piles of money smiling old white men

Children laughing and dancing wearing white summer clothes

Night turns into night brothers and sisters , mothers and fathers holding hands spinning on this

The   Earth