Free write comma\(on) speech

 Here I sit and find a while to abstract. My abdication of no one's lover and lovers from Yukon mccrown Crown of the king and the servants together at last at once, we became a shining fock of kraymond's Dave, save the triangle of wide white windshield, climates and oil in mccayum plus no, I'm pushing it and I'm not fought to kill plum fatwa and a few can die, it's on pickle knives and triangles and trees of rice life's life's life's kuskus. Ku's couscous, my funky bunch.  It's winning like a humster OK. Now I am really going to confess all of my sins against humanity and most of all, against the one true God. I believe that science can do anything and everything. Because God is a f****** mindful trap of significance and nothing can ever diminish the tame (detain) or abstract  This holy blessed mission into and of infinity the end..

.

Silly Spams

 

Confession. Forgiveness. Salvation

 

Thursday, November 30, 2023

Confession. Forgiveness. Salvation

 

I've been listening to Father Stephen Freeman,

Shame and Orthodoxy on Protecting Veil. 

I had a convulsion,

I have a compulsion to watch my free cams,

Then I thought about analysing my mind and my life and writing it down. Or in this case speaking into the microphone of my telephone.

I was overcome with anxiety and conflict and contradiction.

And Grace and shame . .  .

I've had quite a bit of caffeinated coffee, So I was like tingling all over and just waves of unknown energy filled my being.

It's funny what the voice input hears me say sometimes. Anxiety became 'thanks I ain't '

I said being twice and it said bean bean. (:

Anyway I did a minute ago, go to my free cams dot com and looked at women.

I really need to try to be myself and figure out . . . Something.

It is a need to exist, necessary for existing.

I'd like to go to Saint Elias on Sunday morning instead of going to Germany.

It would be better for everyone.

I must honor my mother and our promises.

This morning I heard Father John Behr talk about why the Church is our Mother.

I have been crying a lot this morning.

I drove home drunk last night.

I left work to buy wine and a diet root beer and jalapeño cheddar cheetos.

I moved a lot of lumber and got very tired and worn dumb... or down

This can be everything for me. 

-

Not really --  I just need to be Considerate and rational and live For everyone else

While taking care of myself.

I thought of 2 more novel titles in a trilogy, that began with Pass. They are Videos and Polyp.

The End for now 

Love u, by bye

P s

Father stephen freeman that said some other stuff about being face to face and equal with god. I was drinking coffee and had to cover my mouth and

Cry laugh through my nose because it was so profound.

 I realized i'm going through catharses. It's like the most painful bliss I have known.

 It is a good pain; it's an out-of-body Eternal Gift.

later, I love you. 

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G.O.D.

 Ghost

 Orthodoxy

 Divinity , or Dad

She has written poetry, nature-forward, CocoRosie-like, pagany, Wiccany.

I loved her. I'm still interested in her.

 

The First Day of Winter

tha first Day of winter 

the 1st day of winter

THE FIST DAY of WINNER

tha fussday of winta

the Fir St day of winter

... , The first day of Winter

Winnipeg still winder

Street Saint

[https://ego-youthful.blogspot.com/2011/07/when-then-was-then.html]

 I wonder if I can never be cohesive or rational...

A Letter to Brother Employer

 I'm sorry, Tim.

Everything seems difficult for me. 

Existing,

Every moment is

More than Mystery.

I wanna say Revelation.

Let's just paint this deck we built

Can I know or Care 

?

I drink wine or coffee at two a m

 I shared yo la tengo's  I'll Be Around music video on my facebook page. 

The song and the video are so beautiful, the words. I just discovered Stephen ogg from Instagram. He commented on a photo of lights. Poxleitner. He seems a little crazy but also famous and interesting. Obscure-y. And I can relate to him a little bit.

I went to bed before eight p m. I started making breakfast before four a m.

I have a legal hearing over the telephone at 9. I'm a little nervous I don't really care.

I am excited about not being able to drive and getting rides [ rights] from my family.

I  also started drinking some coffee a bit ago, that I made a couple days ago. It was in the fridge. I'm worried that it will make me feel sick, just the caffeine and need of sleep.

And Food

So anyway I think that might be all

It

I'll Be Around reminds me of Free Translator by The Books 

I wonder why I think maybe I want to kill myself or maybe I should.

I don't wanna worry anyone; i've never seriously wanted to hurt myself. 

It seems too difficult for me to think or act well.

I make many bad choices. 

Always, what should I do, with now and with the rest of my life, whatever, wherever, whenever that is?

I almost always want to give up. I just don't want to try, whatever that means. I just don't know why. Practically, I know nothing.

I know a little about this eternal good and evil.

I know God loves us. And will do, does, has done everything for us. I know people are complex mysteries, Most of all to ourselves.

I know each of us has a purpose. 

I know perfection is possible, but not for us.

I fed bred to singing geese, soft like bright waters. Alight in the pond, projection, the intertransitive pathways of our shared collective brilliant imaginations. 45 year-old video game, we all say Wanna bask in the glory and victory : We Barge into respite , all is glowing from all sides, then we attempt to calculate if this is sunset or sunrise....

I don't get how people reshape this world. There is so much convenient housing and shopping. 

It takes hundreds or thousands of people. 

Almost functional specialization 

We have everything to do

Trade free time. Do jobs. Maybe try to pretend to care about a lot of things you cannot really care about.

Plans for Today

Tim texted he has stomach problems and wants to take the day off.

This makes me extremely excited about my life.

It is 07:16 and I am making more coffee.

I used my first bag of awesome coffee club. Twas octavia.

Game day yesterday was pretty much okay.

I am going to HEB pretty soon.

I was going to buy everclear. I hope I don't.

I think about Anna getting drunk every day.

I started playing oregon trail and hunt for food this morning.

I went to bed about 18:00 or nineteen last night.

I had ated a weed gummy. 

Maybe I just want to finish that container of weed gummies instead of getting alcohol. Slash drunk...

I am going to order more coffee from awesome coffee club.

I was going to play two characters in eldritch horror. I don't really want to waste that much time though.

I was listening to 7 Psalms by Nick Cave.

I am going to text Anna tomorrow. I already scheduled it. I hope she lets me take her to texas coffee Works.

I really don't know what I will do today.

It feels a little weird. Or a lot.

I woke up early early.

My alarm is set for 05:fifty every day.

 

When i'm done with this coffee, I will go to H E Be.

It's difficult for me to believe how much I need this type of thought recording ,

Speaking into this microphone and seeing the words on this web page....

It makes me so blessful and emotional and terry eyed,

Sniffley.

I actually said blissful and teary.

I got to listen to more music.

I'm gonna text Alex seven Psalms Instrumental.

I am gonna play more games today, at least the backgammon.

The end I love you so much my mind is a beautiful banquet of dragons and fires, and he mcglugman firefighter ; Gime all my love and I wannabe everything.

This Is So Important

I'm being serious. Everything is important to itself (and me). One may feel not important at times. All have intrinsic value. Each entity, particular ... theoretical etc., is self-fulfilled, self contained and whole.

Aaron once told me people aren't as tangible as we seem (sometimes to each other and ourselves.) Our souls and minds are connected to anything and everything. 

God's love is ever flowing, ever growing, not over time, but in every direction, without and within....

I just wanted to journal. There are 2 maids cleaning my apartment now. I'm sitting on the balcony chair. This phone I'm typing on is on a table.

Anna and I had phone sex , cellular audio lovemaking , two nights ago, November 2nd. It is probably the most bizarre thing I have experienced. It was fun and intense to say the least....

She texted the next morning saying she was way drunk. We had talked a lot about making love, or fucking etc. I was gonna go to her house after work , soon as was reasonable. She texted that she wasn't thinking rationally and that getting together now is not a good idea.

I replied that I understand and I really don't think rationally much ['either' was implied] .

She ended with keeping in touch and "take care".

I am a bit sad about it all. I ended, "we'll talk soon"

I sent her about 5 texts. Balmorhea music and others, the poem Yet Why Not. I got way too drunk. I still feel weak and hardly slept enough.

I am braving through the day and will go to sleep about 7, or sunset.

Or maybe I'll sleep after I eat my homemade mac and cheese. I'm boiling more mac now. It actually turned out real good ...

I dunno

I am gonna go 

I guess I'll watch something 

[: the end of now.

 After a few minutes, santa ana by sun kil moon is one of my favorite songs ever.

I drew a picture inspired by it.

It just feels good.

I am going to eat biscuits in a few minutes.

I wrote this on paper; you can see the photograph:

"

Saturday november 4th 2,023 a.d.

02:4ortysomething

                I am making frozen biscuits.

I am strange , in relation to People.

I must do these thing to be human to be myself.

How R U? I drank 2 much wine.

a few ago i put on a guided meditation on youtube. He is a british voice.

Sleep and lucid dreaming

How can we help ourselves? I do not know. I am lying in bed , semi colon ,  I am too crooked.

Why is Posture always seeming too difficult to me?

I put butter between the biscuits and the foil. They cook twenty five minutes. 

I hope to God I sleep and feel better.

I began drinking about one p.m. My forehead hurts . . . .

"

Santa Ana is a city in california I believe

 Hello, I am having trouble sleeping.

I woke at almost midnight.

I want to write. I must write.

This is my reason for being.

I want to connect with the Mind of God, meaning myself and everyone and all of existence, the cosmos.

I'm pacing slowly in my living room in front of my bedroom door.

I opened a window a few hours ago. My feet are quite cold.

Sleep With Me is playing from my tablet on my bed. I hear Scooter a little bit. The episode is Erie Canal Museum. I only heard a little bit, but it's really weird.

It is All Souls' Day. I was reading Wikipedia. 

I want to read more about Eastern Orthodoxy. I want to be a member of Saint Elias Orthodox Church soon, maybe 5 years.

I'm going to text Aaron before I leave today.

I'm going to call Anna, when I get home today after I shower. I'm going to walk to my mailbox and call her. I don't think she'll answer.

I just got in bed to warm my feet