Woman - Angel Olsen is on. I was just watching mfc.com, Emma Clarc, and Willie Jack was thro Angel is great, so many good songs.

Everyone is great....

I had lots of wine and cognac this morning... I am always getting more weird.

Got drunk last night, crashed around 9 or ten, woke at 3 and stayed wake awhile. P Myself, you know what I mean....

Ha, wino strut by bill b,aired is on. I was thinking of getting wine a walmart in a few. I want to drive, so I must wait till I'm legal or close.

I feel so tired. I slept a little more, maybe less than an hour. Sunrise was lovely.

Jesus, she's the one by beta band.

....

Krissyjae from cuddlist texted me 30 minutes ago and I asked if I can get back to her for February.

I don't have money to give.

My credit card is a godsend. I'm gonna charge my rent.

I left my cell charger at my mom's, so I'll get a backup at walmart...

I don't know, do not know.

Some other things I need or nor vaunt to do....

The End

* Trans cribed

 This is a journal entry. I am just too lazy to try to type my thoughts out. So, here I go:

I been watching Pinnochio in short segments, like 10 or 15 minutes at a time, not really paying good attention. I don’t know why. I really wanna see it all, but my attention gets shorter and shrtr it seems. When I’m by myself, it’s scary how difficult everything is. I wanna walk in the park all the time, sunrise and sunset, but it just seems like too much to put on the right clothing and be seen by people. I just think, How much more comfortable, how much more distracting to stay inside with my devices and 50 dollar a month internet. I just stay inside and drink Kahlua and vodka.

I been spending too much money; the main thing I want to tell you about is: Something caused me to remember cuddle therapy, so I searched online and found the website Cuddlist, and I booked a woman named Marlene in San Antonio and I talked to her last night and confirmed and discussed it… I drove this morning to her house and had a really nice walk; there’s a really cute park near her house in NW San Antonio, kinda outside in Leon Valley. SO, she came outside and we went inside. We went upstairs and I peed and washed my hands and we sat on the bed. Then we lay down. I started getting erect, as soon as I got there. So we held each other and touched each other. Hah, I can’t believe this is in my memory. I think I started to dissociate. I was lying there on the bed with her and I was trying to hide my erection.

It felt really good. I felt like I was 10 years younger and I actually had a girlfriend; I don’t know how to understand or explain it. It’s making me so emotional. It was so nice. She was really nice. Eric Satie came on her playlist. I was erect most of the time. I think she probably noticed at least once. My nose is running.

We cuddled for an hour. We basically hugged and spooned lying on the bed. She touched my face which made me happy and aroused. I touched her face which was very strange: it’s like we were a couple, like we were in a romantic relationship, except I was paying her so that she would lie on a bed and cuddle me. It’s starting to arouse me again. --- I just need to slow down…

Anyway, I leaked precum thru my boxers and made a spot on my grey Eddie Bauer pajama (or sweat) pants. So I pulled my shirt down, tried to hide it, while walking down the stairs. Then we hugged at the door for about 20 seconds. I left and said thanks.

Before we started I handed her the 5 20s. It was a hundred dollars an hour, and she let us lay there about 5 more minutes, so that we didn’t have to get right up after an hour. She was really cool; I don’t know if I’ll go see her again, because I actually already requested an appointment with a cuddliest in Austin. She’s much younger and more attractive. Marlene is pretty fat. I was squeezing her torso and felt like her bra a little bit.

But I’m even more excited about these 2 other cuddlists. I think in about 3 or 4 weeks, after I get a massage from Sara, I’m gonna go to the cuddliest in Austin. She looks really cool and she charges 125 an hour, and I’ll probably talk to her soon an schedule and confirm with her. And then there’s a cuddlist in Dallas who only charges 90 dollars an hour, and she looks really amazing, like she has short curly black hair, or it’s just down to her neck. I really wanna drive up to see her, probably in Febuary, February.

Wish I could remember their names. Anyway, I think I’m gonna play some Oregon Trail card game. I was gonna leave it out, but I don’t want Kit to see it there and make judgements about what I do with my time. Yeah… I’ve had a lot of Kahlua and vodka. I have some more to drink. I think I’m gonna get pretty blitzed or blasted, yu kno.

So, I gotta go type this out. It’s almost 10 minutes long. I need to transcribe Process and I hope to see Aaron and Andee on New Year’s Eve.

I love you. Good night. Good luck.

 

 

 Let's just type my thoughts or something. This will be a diary journal entry of Good Enough to Know Older Greg Blog. Now it is 10:20 a.m. like the Spoon song. I wrote a haiku this morning about God with the line A spoon in the hand, and I have no idea why.

I want this to look neat and nice. I am eternally grateful for computers and internet. I drank vodka this morning. It is stupid, unhealthy. I feel anxious still. I turn 33 years old today. Life is really funny, except I feel guilty for not saving lives and curing diseases or what not.

My mother bought 5 tickets to Avatar: Way of Water. I do not care at all, but it should be nice and easy. I have a little insomnia. I am addicted to ASMR and mfc. I think I will order hummus and veggies at Alamo. I look forward to their buttery popcorn.

Kit wants to buy me Magic cards for my birthday. It is a dungeon deck. Everything is just okay. I walked in Mabel Davis just after Sunrise, feeling very beautiful.

I wrote a greeting card to Aaron and Andee. I asked mom to bring me a stamp. 

This will be the end. I need to practice good posture {: i love you too much....

  Hi i had some mccormick brand vodka. i mixed it with amy french's amy hyink's honey. Or parker hyink also develops this honey. or they used to, they still bees, i saw the beehives. i think i asked them about it, ya. excuse me, carl larrssonn. sorry i forgot the title, breakfast under the big elm or something. anyway, i'm a little disappointed in myself for going to buy the vodka, but i walked thru mabel davis park to go to ben white, a place called a & b liquor. on my way there i was disappointed in their business for selling cheap liquor, i was like why do people do that? they could sell fewer bottles of more expensive liquor, just make less of a profit maybe, but there would be fewer people drinking too much and doing stupid insane things. I'm disappointed, i thought i was going to not drink or watch porn in apartment, but like just a few days after i moved i think, maybe 2 days, i started, i mean its escalated. i was at my mom's i was pet sitting. i watched a lot of porn. it was really strange. i didn't sleep enough. i was up in the middle of the night. i'm kinda cold. it's 67 degrees in this apartment. but, i'm also excited and happy about drinking some vodka because i feel really relaxed and free and uninhibited as is the point and the purpose...

these are my DVDs. shshhshshsevhvhvhvvhbhbhb ere...

Because I,

I was thinking about texting amy about her honey. that's a really loaded word because i've heard things about honey pot means like vagina... because the honey is the uh sexual fluid...

i had some little caesar's pizza in abowl with afork, in the billiard room...

i went to bed at 8 p.m. and woke up at like 3 a.m. .... sorry i can't feel anything. i feel like my like head is like out in outer space. my hair really, my head tickles, anyway,

the honey in the vodka made it a lot better. it's really gross vodka. it was like 8 dollars for 750 milliliters. i think it'll last last me till febuary probably or febRuary.

Oh, i saw happy honda days on YouTube commercial. it reminded me to transcribe Process: Introducing Themselves to Young (Christian) Minders by Philip McShane. 

Because I need to get that done before we leave for France. i think i will get that done in january, because not a lot going on in january i feel like. i bought my white elefant gift which is a $25 visa gift card but i iused a pen to scratch out the 25 so i'll tell them it's a secret until the final person ends up... i thinkthey're gonna assume it's not very much, because i don't have much money. but 25 seems the best number, because uh christmas is the 25th of december. it's so stupid. i wonder how life would be different if we changed christmas day to like april 1st. that would be funny. and we call december 25th april fools day and we play stupid jokes on each other on december 25th and they're christmas related for a while, and people get confused and it's just really weird history a hundred years from now. but april 1st is always christmas day and people give each other gifts like spring related, there's a spring tree christmas, the christmas tree is all flowery for april 1st. 

Anyway, it's still about the birth of Jesus the christ. o ya, then easter is still around the same day. o well, whatever, maybe he died on his birthday.  Maybe, that's a good point by me just now. historically, they say, because there were lambs in the manger or something that it was probably spring when jesus was born or something like that. or they didn't really know anything, and it's only 365 days, it coulda been any day. How bout every day....

Jesus is born all the time, throughout all time and beyond time and space. I was gonna say, was talking about transcribing Process. I been, certain times, certain things make me think about being Christian and I feel like Everybody is christian, because i believe in the divinity of jesus and the benevolence of everyone. Ya i was thinking about kanye and hitler and i actually agree with him saying i love hitler, because what really separates people from each other and from god?

People just make bad choices all the time. Some more than others. Some people just like flip a switch. I mean some people have bad brain chemistry, and they don't really have much of a chance, but if somehow their choices lined up, kind of like chaos theory or butterfly effect, but there's no predetermination.

There are genuine mistakes and genuinely bad people, like hitler, but Love is like God or Jesus, i mean people say god is love and people are all basically the same. We all just want good things for ourselves and each other. That's why people have to think, like when they wanna do and they do do bad things, they feel like the other person isn't really a person, they're not really human, they just have to separate them, because there's good and bad in everyone. there's an equal amount of good and bad in every human. it's just about our situations, what we're exposed to, and also our personal choices and just our struggle, the human condition. like most people do know what's good and bad, and some people take the easy way or something like that.

or are just, some people it's a losing battle i guess. but it doesn't mean that they're, like it's exponential, everyone around them, they're, like it wasn't hitler by himself. it was just, i don't wanna say bad luck, but a lot of bad choices....

i don't like it when people say like, something that john green said like, suffering is a learning experience and pain is good, things like that. i think john green has said, ha, sorry, i love john green so much, even though he says some dismissive things about god that don't really make sense. i think he said something like, sometimes life just sucks and we have to acknowledge and deal with it and try to move forward despite the pain, not because of the pain.  i don't like when people say i wouldn't change anything because it's made me who i am. it's like, things could've been a lot better and a lot less stupid and painful. why wouldn't you want things to be better? do you want other people to go thru the horror and pain you've been thru, just to get to where you are now, what's so good about that? like my life, i've just heard about and imagined horrible things and it's made me appreciate what's good and not horrible, and what feels good and what actually is good, instead of what is just passing the time until we're all just disintegrated and the universe is dead. o well, there's no more pain and suffering, because a lot of time has passed, whatever, that's not the point.

the point is to try to make things better right now, as soon as possible. okay, that's long enough, it's been a long time, and i live here and i give here, and i'm giving plasma tomorrow and i'm gettin paid. i'm gonna live in this Apartment, and i still can't really believe it. it's so weird. it's almost christmas day amd everybuddy is gay, boiii. 

see ya latah, suckah