I need to write. I am quite nervous about telling my mom that I am going to live at a hotel in a few days. I want to tell her in a few hours, on the way to see MacBeth at Alamo South Lamar. I hope she is okay with it. I don't want to tell her how much money it cost. I'll just tell her I still have 2,000 dollars.

I wonder how she will tell other family, like my brothers. Maybe I will tell some others. I don't want Aaron to know. I guess he would understand. It's not really rational.

We will leave for Austin in about 3 hours. I forgot I was going to eat the rest of the Christmas breakfast casserole. I'll do that in a minute, after this.

I love reading The History of Bones. I will finish it by January 18th. That is what I wrote in my reading log book. I need to tell Aaron I finished it and not be lying.

It'll be good. Not too difficult.

I do not know what I will do.

I look forward to shopping for only myself at Wal-Mart, Tuesday. I wrote a list.

I'll be frugal, rational and healthy.

Meditative.

Good bye for now.

Love,

greg

 My mom seems to feel better today. I believe we will get sofie in 6 hours. I'll go to work at the giddings public library at 8:30 tomorrow. Mom may still be gone when I get home at 2:30. Maybe we will take a walk. I hope. We should. I need to tell her I booked a room at an extended stay in giddings, the Urban Inn....

28 nights, til February 1st. I am very excited, but the 1,700 dollars is a bit of problem, but I'll still have about 2,000. The money doesn't matter much to me, but I don't want anyone else to know, it seems embarrassing.

I love Nicole hartford. When the waether arrives I like to stare at her. I liked when she was hugely pregnant... 

Anyway...

I hate that my mom always has the TV on. I love to live alone. I will lose weight and read [ :

We will take my car to Firestone [ the new Brian the mechanic place 95 and 1441... Do nothing something Make Better improve proving purpose and worth, a lovable future, humans kind glowing futuristic verily humble meek solid eternal forgiving special and functional

benevolence

altruism

simple

Okay,

I had too much coffee. I will also drink less of it, and not every morning.

- the next month -

it is good

I will update you soon

later

love u,

greg.

This Is a Journal Diary

 I ahve drunk a lot.

Still.

I will stop on new year's day. The Champagne at midnight will be the last.

Until after I give blood on February 16th.

Aaron talks for paragraphs on one subject, with intelligence.

I can almost not finish one short sentence.

I need to read The History of Bones right now.

Tomorrow I take my car to the auto shop, Danny's Texas Pride. weird name.

Mom feels unwell.

We will have time.

I am listening to my spotify liked.

I played a lot of MTG Arena today.

o well.

I wanna get a 2022 calendar set up...

I gotta use my weekly planner again.

I want to take a bath soon.

We will bring Sofie to this house tomorrow after noon to spend the Night.

I wonder how that will go. 

We watched Wakefield and How to With John Wilson last night.

I went to bed before 8:30.

later

love you 

-grg

 I was drinking Svedka, listening to Oslo in the Summertime and thinking of a youtube video answering why Finland is the happiest country

about 77 seconds ago. [ i wrote this line before the first, so the amount of Time can be more true ]

The answer is its alcoholism, the video said. It's alcoholism.

Now playing is What Would I Want? Sky

I love it a lot.

Almost as much as Banshee Beat.

I am nervous to go talk with Aaron in about 3 hours, 4 p.m.

Andee, amazing... perfect and Stuff ... , thank You.

I began drinking eggnog [Greggnog ... greggnong]  with Lady Bligh Rhum before noon.

Then I had a moose glass of Chianti.

I been starting mtg Arena [ because Kit got me coupon for 3 packs for xmas.] and finishing a monowhite edh on tappedout.

Aaron told me a lot about The Wire

I bot them a Mary and Jesus wooden icon ornament

from macy's.

I wanted to find a pregnant Mary

I searched annunciation icon, but i don't really like the gabriel scene, it's all the same.

JD salinger . . . Beach Suicide

In the Hot Tub this morn, i longed to go to South padre island

Aaron's friendship feel like too much for me to handle.

too lazy, unhealthy always tired

i hope i don't go to work in two days. I am off the next two days. That is nice.

But I want a silent retreat for about 2 weeks.

Like Cohen on Baldy

oh man i should finish reading I'm Your Man.

And The History of Bones. I love the beginning. He is kinda all over the place.

It is very good.

Help Us

Thanks a Billion

- The Pure and the Damned - Iggy Pop, Oneohtrix Point Never -

 I did it. I did 20 pushups and 20 leg lifts. I tried to do a few sit ups. I have to throw my arms forward to get all the way up. My gut feels in the way. I hope I get rid of it soon. I am very weak, mostly. Leg lifts feel kind of easy, but they get difficult quickly. I feel good about doing more than 10. I got back in bed, watched Erin Timony. She drives me wild. I don't know how to feel. She seems perfect in a lot of ways. I am very.. envious I guess. I watched ASMR on my boyfriend, with Marno. I am baffled. Why? How could I be someone like her, or be with her, intimately, and so on? Why everything? It is frustrating when I let myself be obsessive.

What do i do? I am quite disappointed. Disappointing? The family has postponed Fredricksburg. I am still going to text Jessi in about 30 minutes that I am taking a sick day. I composed the text yesterday, coming down with a cold or something. Mom leaves in about 2 hours.

The only down side for me now really is that I'll lie to Kit and Mom, and I'll have to drive somewhere to make it look to them that I am coming home from work at 6:30.

O well....

Mom put on White Xmas again. It's okay. I suggested it yesterday anyway.

Ohkay, I am going to do some Magic: the Gathering for a bit now.

I'll vacuum and take a bath after Mom leaves.

I'll drink rhum, probably, and make egg nog. I want to take 5 weeks off alcohol the day after xmas.

O, I want to buy a bottle of  wine from Walmart, so it looks like I've drunk fewer bottles of my 14 bottle order. And I want to research a deep pore cleanser and buy one, hopefully my face will look less raw, greasy and off-putting.

So 

have fun

Later i love you,

Grg.

 I have really done it now. I have begun my abstinence, I mean I quit porn, present tense.

I will last for more than a fewwwwww days of weeks. I am and will always be proud of myself, like my only friend Aaron is once in a while...

I was "free" last night [from myself] .  Crazy and sweet Tim Heidecker Office Hours dream. In my dream i was on youtube and found a video of Doug trying to get Tim to play MTG for the last time with an Ayula deck. I tried to show Kit the video title on my phone but it was cut off and I tried rotating it. It was confusing, to say one thing.

I just went outside with Hank. I told Jessi I am a morning person. I just like mornings the most, not that I always get up early or have energy. Dawn is the most beautiful thing, if it's not too cloudy, and there's a little color.

Not everyone is up yet. We have Hours, yep.

I wanna listen to My Dog's Eyes by Zammuto.

I wanna type two complicated magic cards I made up.

Mom i think will be up in the next ten minutes. 7:30 is her usual. I usually do not think of my situation, living at Home, with my Mom, and I just became 32 years old. Seems something. Oh yep, there is my mother. 

See ya later,

Love you,

Grg.

4:33 p.m.

Also , 

I set my alarm for 7 a.m. every day. I plan to do at least one set of 10 pushups and leg lifts right after I get up. I may not be able to do 10 in a row at first... On my bed room floor... I forgot this morning, understandably, being the first.

I am nervous about going to see aaron , and family, in about 30 minutes, So i drank rhum and gin...

Oh well, I will love Aaron and them

For ever

Bye now.

I want to quit my job at Giddings Public Library and Cultural Center.

I need to tell Jessi in January that I'll go to the U.K. in March, and I will come back to work after a month there, if I am allowed.

I want to try to get fired as soon as possible. I plan to be late every day. I was 7 minutes late Friday.

I will get an All or Nothing lottery ticket at Lakeline before work tomorrow. I won 10 dollars twice last week. I hope to be about 5 minutes late.

I hope to get 250,000 from one ticket. Then maybe I don't need any job that I don't want ever again in my life.

My life is so strange to me, the idea of it.

I regret some things involving friends of mine. And Leaving Canada.

The Future is so strange. But I seem okay. For something

I've drank gin.

I listen to Dexbonus twitch vod. And watch little

I want to do a bad job. It will be very uncomfortable when Jessi talks to me about being late or doing poorly at work.

I'd like to be in Las Vegas. A lone with a hotel room, random strangers, money, winning, weird feeelings and foods. Sleep, travel, wait, home, never, people, someone, there, hello, bye.

Anyway, talk to you later.

:Love, Gregory.