weird, mom left for a baseball game about 5 minits ago. i haven't been alone like this for a while. it rained a bit.  not sure what to do, youtube on tv, asmr. fish eye pinot grigio and zevia root beer and bombay sapphire . . . . i feel something. like a freight train stuck between 2 black holes, with nearly infinite force in almost every Direction, but i'm going as slowly as possible.     Am i going ,  Whrere'm i going ? - for about 2 weeks, i've been picking my left nostril and it's been bleeding, then i pick the dry blood. it's kinda fun. . . . i don't know . . . .    i kinda like my handwrithing ... ha. i keep adding letters. my writing style feels to reflect very my self. . . i giess. i'm im paired. i haven't been real drunk since october i think. it is sick or how .

The End

p.s. for a soothing backgraound   [ blissful ]   i watched or mostly heard Goodnight Moon ASMR's Concord video. I wanted to play Winter Travels next and it autoplayed, it's a few minutes in . . . i wonter if summer trip to oregon will play next, i'll find it if not

now.

o yea, 1st i played, ASMR Spend the Day With Me.

capital w ,   o   Well

Hello diary. is 2 - 24 - 2021 ~ 12:37

 I got up about 11, o' 4 or 5. I hear "A Song about Holding Hands" by Gregor. It's nice. Now is "Lady of the Ark" by Kyle craft. it's better. i put irish cream in my milky coffee. i like it. i wanted to feel lighter. i guess. i did the last few standing poses alone, cuz Jan called my mom. she talks on the porch.      i touched my self a lot. it's insane, irresponsible, hellish and makes me more of an animal then the eternal me, who i can be, the best me.   okay. talk to Aaron. and Andee. i'll take a bath in a bit. by One, it's 12:45. my mom wants to make fajitas before i go to work today. i leave at 3, stay til 12:30 or 00:30. yesterday i made kald burn on tappedout. "work" is very boring. there are a few girls i kind of like. i only talked to one lady, a couple sentences. Stay, Leave, C Ya.

 Hwy... i mean hey

I;m listeining to a cover of Property on tim heidecker's office hours birthday episode. all is weird

i've had gin and vodka and white russian these past few hours

mom is watching the local news

we may get more frozen precipitation

i love cold and clouds

i want to appreciate Judee Sill.

I listened to The Kiss, because Michael Penn said to. Frst i listened to No Myth. I sounds familiar

They're pretty good.

I want to listen to a bbc radio doc of Judee. I want to know how she died, an lived

judee is like Andee

i'll be fine

we are about to finish the roast beast

pot roasted

meat beef

meant

sorry

i am loose

i am forry

i don't know what forry means

listening to heidecker's dad and vic's

Hank is so annoying.

i want a different life

hah  {:

we'll watch China Beach and maybe Northern Exposure, both very nice to me

okay, i'll sleep and internet videos and my body

sleeping and dying

and freeing and at home

and hoping and dear heaven

deer hopping on the river rock.