_ 6 feet , the kitchen counter to _ the kitchen island .

12:30
            stretch - body -

i drank almost a bottle of wite wine .   been watchin some

dexbonus - study hall - freezer meals

hearin'   She's the One - Beta Band .   .      .       .

Mom is subbin - Mina Library . for 3 more hours

i just heard all of Hawaii Part 2 - Miracle Musical

i like it ,   i texted it to Aaron .  .  .

im expected to sub at Blue Bonnet elem. tomorrow . [ i cancelled ]

i cancelled my last sub job and lied to mom .

i feel my only way of going and doing it , telling kids

what to do , helping , controlling , is pretending that i do

not care . It matters not . .  i am just a pile of

atoms  and stuff and my mind is everywhere


We all will always be good , we do anything

whatever ,  Life , Books , Eyes , Words , Sounds , Food ,

drinks , hurt , Pain , Remember , Relations . .  Who .

God ,  Pictures , Nature ,  Imaginations . Wait . . .
                                                                                         _
                                                                       WhY _  --

mom and i just watched rebel without a cause

i love it

it is really good

i should have seen it as a teen

i'll tell aaron next time we hang


he sent me a Rilke poem today

'  Always Leaving '  elegy 8

it is beauty


i heard something, i thought maybe a motorcycle

i went outside

i think it's thunder

the sky north west is darker

it is beauty

i said to myself

I'm drunk when the storm of the century arrives

I'm solely praying to myself In side


i drank about 500 mL of Chardonnay

I am hearing Tomorrow, in a Year  [ the song ]


i just ate 2 chicken express catfish filets

a bit of tartar

2 hush
puppies


mom said james dean look like ryan gosling and i agreed

she mentioned La La Land


I just almost posted to facebook some Ego-youthful posts from a few years ago or so

i guess i like them a lot

i cannot remember what they are Now


mom and i shopped today

she got more medicine

she got a bad cough



do know not what to do again


a few seconds ago I opened a bag of sun chips - original

i ate one

i like him

 . .   .  .

   Salty


I am Eager to go to Soputh Padre Island

with Ma  and Pat and Bridge-"town"

in about 2 weeks


"  IT'S ME , KEVIN HAEREERERT "

- ad on spoitify


i Love Wal Mart

especially Old People over 70 and Texas thru and trhu

., . . . .

food   death    Church    word

whatever ,  do what you are told to do


Meaning    or   Purpose 


And   Reality


as God



Woodend
 
    -    i  wonder what that means


Wonder that We willl do tomrrooow


Do TOmorrow

 ..  . . .  .

I  remember Patton Oswalt -  Whiskey and Pretzels


i   wonder if in less Christian places  [ or other places ]

they say Gesundheit more than Bless You

i  like   gesundheit . Natalie wood said it.....  Planet . .  Observe . Human Fate

Hello.

i just listened to most of the album Free by Iggy Pop , again

and i am listening to How to Solve Our Human Problems again , everything is now


Mom and I applied to work for the U.S. census , it is kinda fun

it is 14:42

i drank 2 cups of coffee with dark chocolate syrup half and half and wal-mart great value k-cup hot chocolate

my teeth felt nasty so i just brushed em

it is a bit cloudy today

i am signed up to sub at the intermediate school at 8 a.m.

i am very nervous

afraid of everyone

i want to cancel and run away

like canada or australia or wisconson or california

pacific north west

south east asia

safe africa

U.K. europe


I feel tired.

Mom and I are eqating ... eating salmon in a few hours , it was frozen

Equate our health to our food's health to this planet's health


we watched the last episode of Years and Year last night

it's pretty nice ,  i told mom it seems pretty realistic . she agreed .

really only small parts do .

i want to check the mail now . okay . . .

we got 2 mails

and it is raining softly

beautifully

it got on me

i was just feeling strange and relaxed

i took an excedrin

a few hours ago i took a meloxicam ,  just to try to feel less achey and uncomfortable

a few days ago when mom was gone I took 3. i don't know if i felt different


mom and i are going to carmina burana , ballet austin saturday at 2.

aaron texted about meeting this weekend ,  but i'll have to tell him i can't after noon on saturday. it's fine , maybe sunday...


i've been wanting to drink alcohol the past few days.

i drank a lot after mom left 6 days ago. did dumb stuff. i was almost fun

had to lie to mom and others

last nite we ate arby's beefs and cheddars and fries and watched the Baskets episode Basque-ets.


feel empty


need to read


i read a few Hopkins poems

on the toilet yesterday

wrote a poem type thing . .


i took mom to urgent care , not urgently

i  got a cappucino at sertino's and read a few pages of From Dawn to Decadence, The Eutopians

i looked at clouds , thought , almost cried

sitting got uncomfortable

we got cough medicine ,  3 cans of campbell's , mellowcreme pumpkins and dark kit kats


I wish I were a lot less worried about substitute teaching . I wish I cared less about dumb stuff and more about good stuff

all rite take a break ... it is 15:29

- - Miracles of Pissong Yore Self

I've been watching some of The Office on Comedy Central , season 5 i think , or 6 . I still love it.

Mom went to lie on her bed , she started to feel bad yesterday.

title of this reminded me of Sarah Silverman's Bedwetter

And I was just thinking of her in realation to the words creamy and silky


watching Jeopardy last eve, Mom was thinking of Forgetting Sarah Marshall , but said Saving Sarah Silverman , again.


she made waffles with Kodiak mix

they fell apart , they were all rite

i made bacon , 2 strips each


I have had almost 2 cups of coffee and coconut creamer


I want to eat something soon

it is already 1:45

i got up about 9:15


I have no plans until Substituting a bilingual 2nd grade class at Red Rock on Wednesday, 3 days. my mom is also subbing 2nd grade there and then, we'll carpool . .

My car might be ready before then. I'll put about 1,500 on my credit card.

nathan works there ,  we used to hang out as kids , like friends , now it feels awkward for me to interact with him


i saw a little ceasar's Quattro commercial ,  and i said to mom, let's get pizza ,   i was thinking maybe tomorrow , or today

i don't think she heard me , i think she didn't hear me

we plan to make PF chang's frozen tonite ,  mongolian beef i think

I just put lavender Dr. bronner's and water on my face

it feels dry

i've clogged pores

there're two ways to read that .


i Lit i think a Lotus incense cone


wonder what else i'll do today


i'll check on mom, ask if i can get her any thing

bye

bye



we saw The Mustang last nite. It is all rite

a guy got mad in a figh and severely brain damaged his wife and is in prison and trains a horse and they hurt each other and has hard talks with his pregnant daughter and frees the horse and they write each other nice letters

the end

18 years is a significant time

9/11/2001

in the den again

I been listening to How to Solve Our Human Problems, Belle and Sebastian.

I like it a lot

I texted and asked Aaron if he had heard it, I said:  I like it (:


I drank like half a bottle of wine


i felt good

My tailbone was hurting Me

I am not sure what that means

What is Pain

Our Perceptions of Pain


I did stuff to be a sub at BISD

I listened to Kristin gardener... I like her

I hope I don't need money

I hope I win mega millions tonite, i bot 2 3$ tickets today

I am nervous about talking to a class of Kids


it's about ten to 15 minutes later

Mom clipped my hair with clippers, Number 1 attachment

It's like half or quarter inch

I got in the hot tub

my hair is wet


we are about to go to baby sit for tim and chelsea

and get golden chick on the way


i drank a bit more wine, sagelands cabernet

and Los Dos Rose


im like 80 percent



mnmvnnnnuaoiuneuerre


Mom Never Moves

Ventricle nervousness Numerates next Nowness

Ulcerative Aioli Oculates innumerable uncles

Next Ear Uteruses Enter Unchallenged Energies

Relaxing Reverberations exemplify