Hello, you, reader,

It is another very weird day. I feel like crying a lot. I think I enjoy lying to people.

I got home about 15 minutes ago. I left about 6 a.m.

It is just after noon and I've been drinking wine and had a swig of cognac. That is okay, I think. I don't think I drink too much. It makes my life easier. It worries me though. I hope I do not lose self-control.

Mom has been on talking to Tiffany on the phone since I got home.

I just heard her talking about raising boys and not being in control of them. She talked about Patrick being isolated in college. She said finding a girl changes everything.

I had some nice experiences today, but I made myself profoundly uncomfortable, because I made some impulsive, dumb choices that will probably have long-lasting bad effects.
I told myself it does not matter really. It's just money and lies.
Almost everyone is okay, having a nice life.

Sky has been grey today. I saw nice places outside. I moved around, got tired and had fun.

No people.

I put Captain Fantastic on the TV a bit ago.

Mom and I are about to go to HEB for groceries.

I ate leftover PF Chang's Mongolian Beef and rice right after I got home.

I need to ask Mom to stop at Andee's and Aaron's before HEB, because I texted Aaron that I will get back a library book.

Okay, maybe I will add more later today.

Later, my freind, I guess...

Hi, this is Greg. I'm sittin' at a desk in my bedroom at 139.

I'm listening to Our Anniversary by Bill Callahan. I like it [: ...

My mom went to a doctor appointment and Walgreen's.

I drank a bit of cognac and whiskey from the bottles. I'm drinking pinot grigio mixed with water and sprite in a plastic cup that says Terry Black's Barbecue.

I should have been reading Aaron's books or the book of John. I at least know approximately what I should do. I read 3 or 4 pages of The Reading Zone by Nancy Atwell. It is good.

I wonder if I will ever make enough money to support myself. Not to mention live a fulfilling life.

I just put on This Is My Dinner again. Soap for Joyful Hands is on. I love those titles. And the songs are good.

What are the relationships between self-reference and self-reverence? We may try to eternalize and externalize ourselves. Maybe we do not need to try. Either we are eternal or not. If I make too many bad choices, then maybe my eternity is bad. But maybe I can do good and be good and have a good eternity.

I did some bad things on Monday. It was a weird day. Bad is a weird word. I want to know everything that "good" means.

I missed my shift at the Erwin Center basketball game yesterday, because I did not check what time I had to be there, because I assumed it was the same time as before.

I have to work at Amazon tomorrow morning. I thought about not going, a bad idea. I hope I go.

I texted Alex a few minutes ago and asked if he wanted to hang out this weekend.

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It's been 30 minutes or so. Mom got home. Alex replied and I replied to him.

I'll do something else now. I hope I read something good... now.

Bye. Thanks for reading.

This is journal-y. It is about 30 minutes after sunrise. I have been awake since about 2 a.m. I listened to a few songs from This Is My Dinner by Sun Kil Moon. I like it, about as much as other Kozelek, but a bit more because it is the most recent.

I was reading a bunch of crap from my blog Ego-youthful. I should not have typed most of it, and I should not have read it again.

I got my first day at Amazon scheduled, the day after Thanksgiving. I'm glad it's all figured out and I don't really have to do anything else, or figure out anything.

I talked with Aaron yesterday. And Andee a little. Aaron is amazed at how little I have done with all of my opportunities. I am too. I am confused at how I can do anything or be anything, I guess. Do I choose with my neurons? I am an animal, I am nature, I am God, correct?

I guess all I should do is read good stuff. Aaron gave me Grace and Freedom by Lonergan. I said I can finish it this month.

I felt like crying a couple times because of things Aaron and Andee said, about difficult things they did and thought... I am bad at explaining these things... God... and Malakai.

I should sleep more this morning. I cried a little, and I was on my bed a bit ago, but I got up, because I was all tingly and squirmy. I put a hoodie and puffy slippers on.

I am going to pee outside again in a minute. I did about 30 minutes ago. I gave Emerson dog biscuits. I think it would be good for my mom and I to play tennis today.

I am glad and grateful for CBS Sunday Morning. It's in my top ten, maybe 5, things I like to watch.

I think I want to drink cocoa and coffee mixed this morning. I really want to listen to all of This Is My Dinner. I want to sleep a little more, because it is good for me, but I do not care much, if I do not feel too bad. I will sleep when I feel like it. I want to eat a salad, because I don't want the greens to go bad, I don't want to feel bad about it, or myself, I don't want to put much effort into making a salad, or taste it, unless it tastes good.

What a weird diary post . . . Bye for now Every One.